Doing a quick go*gle search (yes, I do love go*gle), this online bible study came up: Do Not Take Things Personally: Escape the Trap of Hurt Feelings (c) 2006 by Do*ug Brit*ton. Does anyone know anything about him or this study?
What do you do?
Do you have any advice?
I'm tired of hurting and I don't want this relationship to suffer anymore.
30 comments:
Oh Leigh Ann, I wish I had some advice or wisdom for you. I struggle with this too. I am sure others that are more spiritually mature and wise will have good advice. Susan?? I bet she will have something encouraging to say.
I'm not familiar with that Author or book. The answer I offer to your question is..... just keep praying about it. Ask God to reveal to you what is causing this. I believe when we truly seek to know about ourselves He does reveal the problems and issues.
We used to have a Pastor who would always say "If you CAN be offended, you will be." If I get offended I always ask myself what it is that I am REALLY upset about. Do I really think what has been said is true and I don't want to face it? Do I KNOW it isn't true and I am angry? etc, etc. In otherwords what is REALLY bothering me.
((hugs))
Susan
P.S. Tina's comment was not published when I wrote mine. How strange is this?!!!!!
I'm sorry you are hurting. I know the feeling. I had someone in my life for a very long time who meant so much to me and her opinion seemed to matter and yet she hurt me over and over. She was not family and I found I finally had to cut the relationship off. It was difficult, but one of the best things I ever did in my life. My Bible study leader always said that we choose to hurt. Other's don't hurt us, it's our choice.
My prayers are with you. Hurting is the worst place to be.
I haven't heard of this book or author either - I'm up for doing it together if you want. :)
assuming this is a person who you can not be disconnected from?
if so, i understand where you are and how you can hurt.
you don't have to pray that you'll get over it...but you can pray for peace and for a wall of protection around your heart from all that would pierce and hurt you. that isn't saying that you are walling off yourself...but in some areas when confrontation would do little to further the relationship you must pray in another way.
if you surrender it to God, your relationship, your vulnerability, your frustration...then you don't have to have it any more. it's His, and believe me He can handle it.
i know that it is difficult though...i struggle with it too.
(((Leigh Ann))) You're so much like me. I have such a tender heart and I take everything *to heart*. I wish I had some advice for ya!
Hi Leigh Ann... I see you have some wonderful advice. What Heidi Jo says tho really 'strikes a chord' with me...I especially have experienced praying for God's peace to fill me....He is SO amazing when we ask...
but there is lots of other good advice too! I pray you can work through this...
Leigh Ann, I am going to pray for you. I remember as a child the sticks and stones saying and I was always confused, as name calling did hurt me, and being hit had a quick bit of pain and was over.
I do not know you in a personal sense, but I do KNOW you here in blogland. You are an amazing woman, mom,and friend.
I enjoy heading over here to see what you have posted, as my day isn't complete without your thoughts. I feel your love for our Savior, and the am so thankful that you use this blog to witness.
So I am not sure who this person is, whether they are in your inner circle or not, but I see Leigh Ann.
Now my advice to you is to see the Leigh Ann that the Lord sees. Do a study as to the role of a woman in the bible, and as a servant of the Lord, and the fruits of the spirit and apply them to you. Then you can see who God sees. Rest in the Lord,and find comfort in Him.
Also the Godtube video that you posted is very close to this. Re-watch it and cast this concern at the cross and reach up to the Savior.
Wow!!! These are the moments I truly LOVE blogging!! Such words of wisdom and such love flowing! You are an amazing woman of God! You cannot please everyone in your life. I suggest you pray about how God would guide your steps (I am sure you are doing this already) and pray that God would guard your heart when this person is near you. Until then, do nothing!! God must lead you or it will get messy!
A FANTASTIC book I recommend is Shadowb*xing by Henry Mal*ne.
Both * = o (this book is so awesome!! i think every christian should read it AND pass it on!!)
I have never heard of this author or study you mentioned!
leigh ann, i'm so sorry your hurting so much. it's a real crummy place to be. my prayer will be that this will be a short period and you will find some kind of resolution.
i've read everyone's comments and there is some great advice in all of them. i think it does make a difference if it's family or not. i beleive God will help you through this if you let Him.
and, sorry, i haven't heard of that author or his study. sounds good for your situation, though.
I am not sure what advice to give you as I am in the same situation. I always choose to walk away from the conversation hoping that person will realize that I am not going to listen to their garbage. My mom and I are going through this right now and on many occasions I just tell her I am not listening to it and I get up and walk away. I know she gets mad but I want her to realize that I don't have to listen to it and I won't. If she wants to talk to me, she is going to have to think of something else to talk about.
In your situation I would maybe first try talking to this person and tell them that what they are saying is hurtful. They may not even realize it. Then if it continues, I would just walk away and pray for that person and the situation. Don't know if that helps. That's all I got!!! ((HUGS)) to you!
When you figure it out, let me know because I deal with the same problem.
I'm so sorry you are hurting.
I will be praying for you.
I'm the type of person to take things to heart too and be hurt.
I dont know about this author either. I am also sorry to hear your hurting. I am going thru the same thing, and have been for about 5 years with someone. I have cried ALOT over this relationship. The only thing I know that I can do is pray about it. Pray, pray, pray. I find it softens my heart toward that person that continues to hurt me. I know exactly how you feel. This post brings a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes because I know the pain..
Hugs & prayers,
Candy
(hug)
Leigh Ann, you have been getting so much wonderful advice in the comments! I take things *very* personally and get hurt easily so I know where you are coming from.
((((hugs))))
Kelli
Leigh Ann,
My thoughts and prayers are with you....I know exactly how you are feeling! If you do the study let me know what you think of it. "J" always thinks I take what others say too personally and get hurt.
Leigh Ann, Oh my heart goes out to you. I wish I had some advice. My mom and I were just discussing this last night as she gets her feelings hurt easily, often worrying about someone else's reaction or opinion. I don't nearly as much as her and we were trying to figure out why. I think we are all just created differently and God has given you such a sweet and tender heart for people that their comments probably are taken more to heart. I hope the encouraging words here today have helped you to see what an amazing woman you are and all of the lives that you touch.
I have to agree about cutting off the relationship if you can - after much prayer - so much depends on the situation.
I don't know about this author or study. I am sure that through prayer and some thoughts from commentors, you are going to know how God wants you to proceed.
Wow, you sure have a bunch of good advice here. I think that Susan is right on target. Get to the bottom of what it is that is hurting you. Between you and God.
On the other hand, some folks just really enjoy bringing others down in order to build themselves up. You can set up boundaries in this kind of relationship, even in the closest ones. Believe me...I have had to do it.
Hoping that you will find peace in this.
I hope that I am not out of line by posting that, since this is only, like my second time to your blog. :/
If you need to talk, you know where I am.
Leigh Ann, I find that when a person is continually hurting the feelings of others is because they themselves don't feel good about themselves and they are usually jealouse of something in someone else's life. If you can see this person as needy and be determined not to let what she says hurt you because you understand that she doesn't like her self very much. It is kind of like when I was taking speech someone said if when you look out at the people in their underwear you want be afraid to look at them because then they will look funny to you. You will just have to look at her and not hear what she is saying knowing that it is her way of trying to make you feel less. Only you can make yourself feel less, she only has power as you give it to her. I will pray for you and especailly for her. connie from Texas
I hope some of this makes sense.lol
My pastor always says that 'hurt people hurt people'. Is this person being deliberately hurtful, or do they have no clue? If it's unintentional, try to see them through God's eyes...all of their hurts and strongholds...all of their potential, and pray for them and for your heart. If it's intentional, then continue to pray and visualize them as God sees them, but it is a little different. You've had a lot of good council from people here!
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It looks like you've gotten quite a bit of good advise.
I'm wondering, does this person know that she/he is hurting you? They can't fix what they don't know is broken.
Good luck. ((((hug))))
Hi LieghAnn--I am sorry your having hurt feelings. I can only tell you this---I think as we get older things tend to not bother us as much as it used too, especially with what other people think---I think you need to keep your chin up and smile--it will all be okay--I promise!!
Julieann
A big hug to you! It seems like you need it today! The comments on this post are all wonderful.
I don't know weather or not you can cut this person out of your life or not. I was in a situation about 2 years ago and after much soul searching, I just had to let go of the relationship. It was sad, and very hard at the time, and I still miss the good times we had. But even 2 years later, I know it was the right thing. Sometimes negative people bring you down and when you let go of them the negativity goes right out of your life. And it feels good.
You will do what's right for you!
Thinking of You!
Lisa
I feel awful that I am just now reading this. Leigh Ann you are such a giving person and very sincere. I think people are jealous of that and when they see you at peace they will try to bring you down with them like Gayle said.
I am praying for you....and just remember if someone says something negative toward you, just say to yourself, "I didn't hear that from the Lord!!!"
God Bless,
Amber
It's really too bad that someone is being so hurtful to someone that is absolutely AMAZING!!!
Leigh Ann,
Wow, you've gotten some really good words of wisdom and loving affirmation. I can only second what most have said. I've been in very similar situations with both relatives and a friend. I've done about everything that has been suggested, including putting myself in their shoes......to really see into their hearts and their hurts. That really helped.....especially with family. But I did have to let go of a friend last year. It was SO painful. I felt like I went through a divorce because she was such a constant in my life. We talked almost daily. We had good times together through the years (we went to college together), but more and more of our relationship was getting poisoned with very hurtful, usually passive aggressive comments.....and it didn't help that her 3 year old would beat my 1 year old every time she was near, with my friend doing NOTHING....not even an apology. Even with the problem with the kids, when I tried to talk to her about it, she said "It's because Luke ignores her."!!!! What?! Umm...perhaps he's avoiding her to avoid getting beat! I felt my feelings were no longer valued and I'm really not sure when or why that happened. I am not a confrontational person, but I finally talked to her about it all. I do feel jealousy was the root of the problem with her, and her actions made me very defensive and the friendship was no longer a friendship. It was work and their was a huge wall up. After we talked, I felt so much better because I truly wanted to save the friendship and this was my last ditch effort. But she was hurt and again put it all on me. We stopped calling each other. I've emailed a time or two to let her know that I was thinking of her family, like at Christmas, and she's sent me a card that she had moved. It's very surface level now. I did see her recently in town and we chatted like we were old friends. And I believe that's how it should be. I still care for her, but the relationship wasn't healthy. God has revealed so much to me in the last year. I didn't realize how much she affected me. She affected my confidence and she took up a lot more of my time than I realized. At the time, I didn't understand why God allowed a 12 year friendship to dissolve, but I truly feel like a different, happy, more outgoing, more liberated person now that I have her negative influence out of my life. I couldn't see that then, because she is a Christian and a fellow homeschooler and she had her good moments. I'm just amazed at how much happier I am now and maybe she is too. I definitely know that God used her many times in my life, but I guess it was time to move on. It wasn't easy, and I questioned it all the way, but in the end, I feel God was in control all along.
I wish you the very best and pray you have wisdom and peace over the situation. ((hugs))
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