I like to work through things that are bothering me by typing them out. Typically, that happens in emails to friends, but sometimes it happens in blog posts - at least that is what I am hoping happens with this one.
T stopped at home for lunch today, and we were standing outside before he headed back to work. I told him something I've been pondering ... "How do you know what the right choices are for our children?"
I feel like I am on two extremes ... For example, some times I think we should ditch the TV and all the movies we own and the next time I'm reasoning with myself that it isn't the worst thing in the world to let my son watch a few minutes of the Spid.erma.n movies as Spidey flies through NYC.
I know in my heart that the best answer is to rest in God's wisdom and that He will show me. But what about those times I don't feel that I'm hearing a clear answer to my questions? Do I look at Person A sitting at church who doesn't own a TV and children seem well-behaved? Or Person B who has a home theater, takes their children to the movie theater and whose children also seem well-behaved?
I am a people-watcher. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't be. My mind starts formulating concepts and ideas that so-and-so's children act/behave the way they do because of a few things I know about their lifestyle and how they run their household. To me, I think even though I'm not judging their actions with a big seal of disapproval, I'm still judging, aren't I? Or not?
I wish I knew what is right for our family. Again, I come back to constantly talking things out with T so we are on the same page with things. But, that is so easy to say...just by talking with him doesn't mean we will come to any type of conclusion regarding the matter.
I find myself constantly evaluating my own choices -
Did I read enough to my children? I think so-and-so reads way more than I do and I've got to get better at that.
And so-and-so spends a lot more time in the Bible with her child - look how quickly her child found the chapter we were discussing in Sunday school, my son can't do that yet.
So-and-so really has a meek and quiet demeanor - my kids would do so much better if I were more like that.I keep finding all these areas I need to "fix" and then I end up complaining. I think it would be a better use of my time to pray about those areas and ask God to help me focus on my strengths for the benefit of the children. And allow those strengths to lead the "fix."
Am I making any sense? For those with young children at home, do you have these same thoughts? If so, how do you handle them? For those with grown children, did you think this same way? What got you through?
I certainly don't want to waste away my time just thinking - but instead I want to be acting ... I just don't know where to start.
I'd love to hear your thoughts...I feel like I've just gone full circle with my thought...sigh...
**UPDATE**I wrote this last night before going to bed. After having time to keep processing, I had another thought.
I completely comprehend that parenting is not as easy as to think that if I do/don't have a TV, my kids will turn out fine. A family could have 10 TVs in their house and if they are wise in their viewing time limits - I don't think it could be a potential problem at all.
It really comes down to how use what we have. How do I use my time when my kids are awake? Are we searching through the Scriptures looking to see if he can find the book of Matthew? Am I setting goals to read every day or am I brushing it off until tomorrow?
I think the biggest thing that hits me is that I want a "quick fix." I want it to be easy and just do A, B and C to get the desired result. But that simple formula doesn't take into account all the other variables of L-I-F-E, does it?
While I understand that I cannot get this "quick fix" I am comforted in knowing that all parents, everywhere, ask these questions at one time or another. And I'm thankful many are a phone call, or an email, or even a blog post away!
This parenting stuff ... it's tough.